Destiny and Rice Crispies
(this is from July 2006 – I just found it amusing. Maybe not interesting enough to repost, but oh well.)
Ah, almost noon, and have I been to bed? Nope! Still awake, finishing up my ATC card for this month’s exchange, and I think he looks pretty good. In fact, I’m rather proud of him! He started out inspired by Jorick (which despite what SOME people say is pronounced with a J not a Y) But the face is wrong… I can see what I want in my head, it just isn’t wanting to go to paper yet. Oh well, eventually I’ll get it! One day when my pen/pencil feels like communicating with my brain!
Read an internet friend’s blog about the person who talked her into writing again, and I completely knew what she meant. It’s the same person who got me to start writing again. We were all in a now defunct yahoo group together and he and a few others started this fic (which has now become our RP group btw) and I started writing again so I could join in on it. I’ve written a lot of things in my life, several books, short stories, poems, children’s stories, you name it, but I’d stopped all together for a couple of years. And then I started doing the Fic/RP and realized how much fun it was! I’d forgotten the joy of writing. Then, another internet buddy told me about the NaNoWriMo, and that’s why I started this vampire thing. If you read (the old version) from chapter one all the way through the shift is subtle, but you can see how rusty I was at the beginning.
It’s like drawing. I’d stopped that ,too for those same couple of years, except on the computer, and then I was drawing images for my oinker’s website and making Sims stuff. Anyway, I owe that to two other Internet Paper Doll friends named Joanne and Lana. I’d made some PD’s (paper Dolls) for the oinker’s site for fun. ( I hadn’t made a paper doll since 2000, and then it was a dirty little secret that I kept hidden from everyone.) Anyway, Lana stumbled across my Oinker’s site, though I don’t know HOW, and put a link into her PD group, and Joanne contacted me because she uses Netscape and, since I didn’t have the drop down selection boxes in form tags, Netscape wouldn’t let her select the pages! Naturally I asked how she found my site and she said one of her groups had the link and the proceeded to tell me all about PD Artists, which does the monthly ATC exchange. So, I joined. Incidentally, it’s also how I discovered yahoo groups at all.
You may wonder what I did with those two or three years when I wasn’t writing and wasn’t drawing? Well, besides my website, I was almost never home. We had various friend’s in town and I basically lived with them – seriously I knew the location of everything in their houses better than they did! I half adopted one couple’s daughter, got no sleep and neglected my cats (so they say). Anyway, I got tired of the whole thing; never being home, never getting anything done, never doing anything I felt was worthwhile. Sure, I had some fun, but I’ve been a “creator” type personality since I was a toddler. My brother and I used to spend each summer on various artistic projects every year without fail, hell, we even had games we’d made up that consisted of drawing!
I suppose it is curious how I’d forgotten I enjoyed these things, but it’s sadly simple. I went to a small school until my senior year (and I mean SMAAAALLLLl). In a small school you get a “reputation” or niche by about third grade, and you’re in it until you graduate. Mine was “the girl who could draw”- period. I was smart, but none of my classmates noticed. I was funny, I was fun but no one noticed. All of my being was wrapped up into one tiny phrase- “she can draw”. Then I moved to Mt. P and they didn’t KNOW that was all I was, and suddenly I was smart and funny etc. And I LOVED it! It was great being recognized as a dimensional person with more to do than press a pencil against paper. And so, I married one of those Mt. Pleasant guys and where as I wrote here and there, or drew now and then, I slowly abandoned it for the thrill of Real Life.
Well, bah on real Life! I’d rather draw my own picture then look at one, write my own novel than read one (though I do love both of these activities, might I add). I’ve always been a creative type. I really think that the only time that you’re really alive is when you’re creating something, and so here I am. Does that make me a hermit with no life? Maybe, but I don’t care. It’s the hermits of the world that satisfy those who can’t draw or write. Without us the world would be off kilter, just like we need those who can’t do it themselves to make us necessary. It’s all a balance.
So what IS the point of my blathering on and on instead of sleeping? Well, the initial point behind this entire thought flow was the peculiarity of tiny little details. If I hadn’t been lazy and had put the form tags around that one drop down box, I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I wouldn’t have written a lot of things in fact because I’d never have met those people in that yahoo group who inspired me to write again. Truthfully, I have no idea what I’d be doing right now. And, if you trace it all the way back, it’s all because a woman named Lana somehow found my Oinker’s site.
Anyway these teeny tiny connections fascinate me; how one decision can alter your life irrevocably, but you’re not even aware of it until years later when you look back on it. Like the rice Crispies.
I had a friend during school named Jennifer, she lived across from the school , and was in and out. She got shipped to a lot of youth homes for running away, got in a lot of trouble, had a lot of bad things happen to her. My sophomore year she was back for a couple of weeks, and I was at her house because her mother was a beautician in training and was practicing on my hair, and Jennifer declares suddenly that she wants rice crispy treats – but they had no rice cripsies. We were about twenty miles from the nearest grocery store, so I agreed to take her and we hopped in my silver impala. Once we got into town she suddenly wanted to stop at Charlie’s house, and so to Charlie’s house we went.
I’ll try to make this short but anyway, I got to be friends with Charlie and remained so even after Jennifer disappeared again. Eventually my mom got to be friendly with his mom and through her, in another bizarre twist of fate, she met the (now)ex-step dad. He and mom got into a romance, Mom moved to Mt. P and a year and, a half later after the rice crispy trip, we moved there, too, which is where I met hubby and… Anyway, I’m sure you can see what I mean. Is that a commercial for Rice Crispies or what?
But, my point is I’m not the only one. Probably everyone can trace a lot of their lives back to teeny tiny incidents that they’d never imagined would have an impact, which in my opinion proves there has to be a sentient force controlling the universe. Do I believe in destiny? Not really. I think that each person has certain things that NEED to happen; certain people they have to meet or certain things they have to do in order to accomplish what they’re “supposed to”. Hell, maybe the only thing that someone is here to do is to say something nice to a co-worker which inadvertently stops them from committing suicide so they can then go on to discover the cure for cancer. Okay, a bit far fetched, but you get my drift. The catch is, I don’t think people HAVE to do the things they’re supposed to do, no one makes you. But, when you don’t, I think that’s when you get miserable and unhappy and disillusioned and yancy about life. I think it’s a message that things aren’t where they need to be, that you’ve strayed and need to slide back to find the path you’re supposed to be walking on….
Which leads me to wonder what am I supposed to accomplish? I mean I got lucky (and I know this) and got handed several things I could do something with, so which of them am I supposed to be using to accomplish whatever I’m supposed to accomplish? Is it one of my abilities? Is it my brilliant wisdom (hee-hee)? Or am I simply supposed to cheer the right person up at the right time? You tell me and we’ll both know! I wonder how you go about finding that out?
All right, enough weird things from me for the night.