Waiting for Time
Last night after I posted the advertisements I *should* have gone to bed. instead I stayed up with Dad (who was watching a WWII documentary) and edited photos. It’s been so long since I had time to reliably edit them that I have folders from 2012 labeled “do”.
Yeah, 2012. Crazy.
So I decided to work on a few of them. June and July to be exact. There were a few interesting ones, so I thought I’d share.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about things – I may have mentioned it in here before. When it comes to writing the vampire books I am really at the level of success I am going to be at unless I want to put in more time. I’ve contemplated doing it; living and breathing advertising and editing and all of that – giving up book covers to make more room for it and cutting out spending time with others even more and….and I don’t want to. That doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep writing (I have a book on pre-order) but it’s time to really examine my goals. I know there are people who want to “make their living” writing, but I’ll be honest, it’s not me. I have fun writing (okay, it’s a lot of work, too!) but I originally started writing the series not for me but for two other people (literally). When I had twelve fans – including those two – I was ecstatic. Now I have 105 on my email list and all I think is “That’s it? So-and-so has 500.” I remember when my first review from a stranger delighted me, now I just look at the reviews and think “How can I get more?” I see a sale and think “So-and-so has 100.” Yes, I know that if I was “hungry” for success these could be good things, but the truth is it has nothing to do with wanting success for literary reasons, believing that I have some “amazing” story that *must* be shared with the masses – it’s just that desire to “win”. But in order to win I have to sacrifice more – more time, more money – and the sacrifice isn’t worth it to me. As I said, I still plan to write book 8, and book 9, and edit up Patrick, and follow that with a Jorick book – not to mention the three books I am working on as a co-author with others – but I think I need to look at it differently. I need to stop writing and working to “win” and go back to doing it for someone else. I know, they say don’t write for others, but if I’m not writing to win, and I’m not writing for someone else, then I’m just writing for me, and why even bother putting it on paper?
I don’t know. I just know there is only so much time in a day, a week, a month, and there are so many things I want to do that are a lot more important than “winning” at being an author. Even if it’s just working on those books with co-authors – all three of which have been waiting – just like my photos – since 2012 for me to make time for them. I think everyone has waited enough.
Have a good one!